As of this week—December 1st, 2022—Jesus has paid our rent for an entire year!

That's crazy. Whenever I have the opportunity to share these rent provision stories in person, I often say with a big smile, "it's like raising the dead!” Nikki and I have four kids and live in North Vancouver, one of Canada's most expensive cities. This post is about our journey of trusting Jesus, who told us to wait and not to do anything unless He brings it into our lives.

Before you continue reading, it may be a helpful reminder to say that my heart within this site is not to tell you how to live or to imply there's a risky method or superior way to follow Jesus. Not at all. Rather, my hope is to inspire deeper trust in a real friend who loves to walk with us. 

BACKGROUND 

After we were asked to resign, I knew we'd spend a few months resting and healing, but after 3-4 months, it was job-pursuing time. Toward the fall of 2021, we thought God was leading us to plant a church again, but instead, it was clear He was leading us into some Modern Missionary Journeys. (I hope to write about that insight later.) When December of 2021 rolled around, we began to panic. I thought, “Jesus, I can't NOT have a job!” The severance pay we were receiving was running out, and God did not seem to be leading us to the next job. This wasn't what we expected. This was a strange time because the intimacy with Jesus and the Kingdom lifestyle was still active in our lives (as you read on this site), but He hadn't opened a way for the next conventional and good job.  

As I prayed throughout December 2021, I kept asking Him, “what are you doing?” The impression I received was: “I love what I'm doing with you.” We had a daily pattern of spending time together in the forest for hours just talking, worshipping, and growing, and when I would ask Him what He wanted to do, I would faintly hear people's names or body parts moving in His heart to heal. Then I would go down the mountain and do what He told me to do (read the other posts). During that year, I was as busy meeting with people and pastors as I was when I was in full-time ministry. But this was different. This was a joyous adventure, with more opportunities to risk and believe. I was literally the happiest person I knew. At this point in life, I would say, "I didn't know it could be this good!” 

One day, in my forest walk, I sensed Him say, "don't do anything unless I bring it into your life." When I heard that, I felt deeply, with a full understanding, that He meant any work of ministry. It was as if the Father was saying, “James, I want you to know that whatever you do next is ME.” So my passion this year has been encompassed in that very hunger: I just want to know IT IS Him. Then, in the week leading up to January 2022, I heard, "and don't ask for money.” 

“Don't work unless I bring it, and don't ask for money.” Again this time, I had a deeper understanding that I wasn't going to be a missionary who needed support but that God was putting me through a time of development. He wanted me to KNOW that He can do everything. He wanted me to KNOW that to “seek first the Kingdom, and all the rest will be added" is something to be experienced in obedience. 

In December 2021, that ask from God felt thrilling and terrifying, but we had the means to go through it initially. What we didn’t realize was how long this season would be.

One of the most common issues among those in ministry is rushing out to do before being sent out from God. But again, what's critical is that we're living on a relational journey with God. In John 7, Jesus comes into practicing this when his brothers approach him and say, "Jesus, we're going up to the feast… are you coming up with us?” Jesus responds, “you go up; it's not my time to go.” The next verse says that after His brothers had gone up first, He also went. Jesus evidently receives the Spirit's guidance that He should go up. We don't hear Jesus needing to justify or clarify, "hey brothers, you know how I said I wasn't coming…?” No. Jesus goes, moved by the Spirit, and leaves everything else to the Father. In this passage, He's adjusting to the Father's leading.

Before the new year started, the Father led me to become a CMA member (Christian Ministers Association) and join the team Freshwind Ministries. This started because people wanted to support us financially when I was asked to go on missionary journeys. All we had set up in December 2021 was a way to receive funds, as we followed Jesus’ instruction not to ask for money. Somehow, God wanted me to trust HIM to get the word out as He continued to lead us.

On December 31st, to our amazement and thanksgiving, everything we needed to cover January’s expenses came in! Entering 2022, it was truly incredible to know God could do it! It was great to experience an inner knowing that we didn't ask anyone for financial support, and yet we received His provision. It was beyond hopeful and faith-empowering. As I went into January, I said to Him with joy, "I didn't know You could do that and that I could trust You this much.” We know biblically He can do miracles, but to encounter one like this large amount of money for our sustenance was new for me. I felt like I was walking on clouds. I remember saying to Him, "Father do you want me to spend this next season just coming up this mountain as Jesus did? To hear your assignment and heart, and go do it?" I sensed His smile, then I said, “if you keep doing that (provision), I'm in!”

Then February came, and only a fraction of what we needed came in that month. It was the first month I knew I needed to learn trust and mystery in my friendship with God. 

I struggled that month. I felt let down; I felt I didn't understand. But then I remembered a sermon based on Proverbs 3, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” I remember the pastor saying something like, “our perception of things will undermine our trust in the Lord.” That sunk in. 

When Jesus sent out His disciples, there was a season He told them to take nothing on the road; through this, there was an utter trust they needed to encounter personally. They needed to know they could trust because He said, “don't take this. Don't have a resource as you go; I want to show you something about Me as you do what I have told you to do.”

At the end of February, we barely made it through the month and drained everything we had. BUT IN THE END, IT ALL CAME IN! Our kids, at this point, heard me read the email where I showed them that somehow God gave us $3,000. I thought for sure this testing period was over. I would pray in my time with Him, “Jesus, thank you for being confident in your ability to provide for us.” 

At the end of March, we had used every penny we had on groceries, and in a passionate prayer time, I told the Father, “I love all I'm getting to see in our partnership. I wouldn't change this for the world, but Father, I don't understand why your arm feels too short in finances.” I said, “God, I need to get a job, even if it's an Uber driver or something. Please, can I get a job?” Then I heard in my mind one of the most precise times I've heard His voice: "No.” In the most gentle and assured tone, I heard Him say, "Ask Me why." I smiled because I knew it was Him, so I said, “Okay, Father, why?” Then I heard, "I want to show you how much you can trust Me for." I spoke with a smile that brought an inner lightness and relief, "okay, Jesus, that's a good answer. That sounds like You.”

The next day I was with my parents, and my incredibly supportive dad (after encouraging me greatly) asked, "James, I'm just curious, what's stopping you from putting your resume out at a few churches that are moving in the gifts of the Spirit and believe what you do?" It was a great question, but I knew the cost of answering it at that moment. I mean that in responding to my dad with what I had heard on my walk with Jesus, I had to wrestle with looking foolish or, even worse, irresponsible. My response was, "Dad, that is a great question, and that would make sense, but when I asked Jesus about it yesterday, He told me not to do anything but that He wants to show me how much I can trust Him for.” 

Internally, I felt what was coming. There was a dying inside when I heard myself. A dying to a self-life, self-protection, and self-worth that rises in your heart when you're trusting Him, while sounding irresponsible. That day I knew my dad trusted it was God, but as the weeks passed, the questions asked came with a look that said, "I don't know, James, I don't think that's God.” That was the most challenging part. Many friends and family would kindly ask, “James, what are you doing?” and I would tell them the above and some of the Kingdom fun and opportunities Jesus was inviting us into. But then they would ask, “how are Nikki and the kids?” When that was asked, I would feel the sting of shame. To be clear, our kids were seeing Jesus in ways that were increasing their levels of faith, and Nikki was growing in learning surrender and faith. But I knew deep down I wasn’t able to “provide.” 

Not knowing what is coming next is very hard. Seeing Jesus provide wasn't the pain point for us, but as month after month came and went, we didn’t have a sense of planting roots. We love our church, it's been the most incredible place of healing, but sometimes we'd feel the tiredness of trust. I'm excited for Nikki to write her side of this journey. This is already a long post, so for brevity, I'll highlight a few stories of provision we experienced this year and then share more of our interaction with God. 

One of my favourite provision stories happened on Sunday, May 1, 2022. That particular day, we had no money for rent, the gas light was on, and we had no groceries in the fridge. On Sundays, my oldest daughter Neriah and I liked to bike out after church and grab bubble tea together. So after emptying our jar of quarters and dimes, we went on our favourite activity. As we were enjoying every teen's favourite beverage, connecting about school and life, she stopped me and said, “Dad, aren't you nervous about money?” I said, “Oh ya, but Neriah, He said He would do it." Deep down, I felt that was all I had at that moment. I kid you not. The moment she finished asking that question, my phone dinged, and it was an e-transfer for $500. She said, "no way!” with a massive grin of faith. 

After we biked home, I picked up our little 7 year old, blonde haired, brown eyed Tahlia, my grocery shopping buddy, and buckled her into the van. As I drove down our street, I said to the Lord, "Father, I can use my credit card, but I believe You can do this.” I make a left turn, and a friend texts, “Hey, someone just dropped an envelope off at our house with your name on it. Do you want it?” I replied, “Yes, I'm coming to you now!” In the envelope is $1000 in cash. Now my seven year old is seeing and holding ten $100 bills. I spent $100 on gas and $100 on groceries, handed our landlords the cash and told them the rest would come that night. Sure enough, more came in through our Freshwind’s online setup along with one other gift, and within 6 hours, we had enough to pay rent and have one week's worth of groceries. In May, I began to come to a place where I had to surrender timing. 

You can watch that story and more here. But thank you, Jesus!  There were so many more miracles and moments where people would empty their wallets in a prayer meeting, at a kid's birthday party, the Spirit would lead a parent to say, ‘Jesus, told me to give you this’, money would be slipped into our mailbox,  friends would drop cheques off, grocery cards would be given, and then there were these faithful gifts from friends who gave every month consistently because “we believe in what God is doing in you in this season.”