The morning I woke up to submit my resignation letter, I woke up suddenly at 4 am and immediately sensed God's presence. In fact, I sensed He was about 6 feet to my right and smiling. Then in my heart and mind, I heard, "we have a lot to do today." I smiled, made my pour-over coffee and went into the study. I spent the first 30 minutes worshipping, raising my hands, and feeling His love over me. That morning, I read Exodus 3:12, where God spoke to Moses, saying, "I will be with you."

I couldn't believe how loving and precise the Father was at that moment. It was about 6:15 am, and I knew I had to prepare for the day, make the kids breakfast and my amazing wife’s coffee, and head out to hand in the resignation letter. On my way out the door of my home office, I felt as though Jesus was behind me, and I heard so clearly (what felt like as close to audible but still in my conscious mind), "peace be to you, the best is yet to come.” I couldn't believe He was so present and how much He wanted me to know He was with me. 

Once I dropped the kids off at school, I sat outside my car, took a deep breath and texted a church elder who lives close by to ask if I could drop the letter off at his house instead of the church. He said, “of course, but I'm out and won't be back for about 10 minutes.” The moment I sent the text and stepped back into the van to wait for him, I heard the voice of the Spirit within me, full of peace and kindness, say, "go buy a pink flower and bring it to this spot." And in my mind's eye, I could see a creek just off the path of my usual route on my daily prayer walk. So I did it! I drove to the grocery store, which was by the elder's house, walked in and bought a bouquet of pink flowers, put them on the floor of the passenger seat and knew I had to obey. One of the most powerful lessons I have learned about friendship with God is how much He longs to encounter us and how, when we trust His heart and partner in what we sense him saying, He strengthens our ability to receive more love. 

So I dropped off the letter, told my great friend and elder of the church that I loved him, and while shaking in shock at resigning from the church that I had pastored for ten years, I went to the spot God told me. Once I got to the river spot, I got on my knees, and I could sense He was standing about the same distance from my bed at 4 am, again to my right but over the creek, and I asked Him, “what do you want to do now?” What He said next… I didn't know the Father could be this intimate and comforting in real-time. I felt like I was living in Acts 19 or when Paul tells Timothy in his second letter, "But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17). 

The Father spoke to me so gently and sweetly, saying as I stared at this bouquet, "You're in this flower….” I began to cry, and then He said, “…and so am I." He continued, “and it's very, very beautiful. This is your congregation, and you did a really good job." I will never forget that moment. I knew what He meant; He was saying, “this is what I see; you were in this, all of you, your heart, your passion, your love for people and me, and I was with you, I was in this, and this flower represents the ten years of life in ministry pastoring these wonderful people.”

His heart for me was unlike anything I had ever felt. His affirmation transformed and removed any need for validation or affirmation from myself or others. When you hear Jesus Himself say you did a really good job (while smiling) despite the many ways you know you could have done things better, it gives you His heart and perspective. He then told me, “you're going to throw the flowers in the river. You can take a picture of it, but you can't come back to this spot". I loved that he said you could take a picture of it; I sensed his love and humour and knew what He meant. The spot was symbolic of me giving Him back the church; it wasn't mine, it was never mine. Every pastor knows that, but when Jesus said to release it to him and don't come back, I knew it was a surrender of how the church would receive the news, how people would respond etc. This moment was so powerful that I spent about 10 minutes running through memories of baptisms, services, Easter Sundays, Christmas Eves, and summer events. I thought about all the lives being transformed, and I thanked him over and over for it all. 

After this impactful moment, I sensed I had given the church back to God, so I got up, turned around to leave, and immediately heard clearly in my mind, "leave your jacket." I thought, "what is happening?” I knew it was Him but had no idea what He was saying. So, I said out loud, not understanding, "I will, Lord, but this is an expensive jacket, and you know I like jackets.” I could sense he smiled, and that relieved me at that moment. Within 2 minutes while walking back, I began to feel this intense poking into my chest, so I told the Lord, "why is my heart feeling this pressure, this push? I gave you the church; it was so beautiful. What's this heaviness?" Immediately I heard, "you didn't leave the jacket.” 

When I heard that once more, His tone was full of excitement and peace, then it hit me; I never asked him, "what is the jacket?” And so I asked, and instantly I could see in my mind's eye on the back of my jacket the word "pastor." I couldn't believe it! I was filled with love and an awe-inspiring awareness of his intimate wisdom. It blew my mind that He would know me enough to know I couldn't pastor the people I loved through this. I sensed him say, “you can't go down the mountain, a pastor. You did a really good job in this role, but leave it up here with your church." Friends, and pastors who are reading this, I can't tell you how free I felt. Being a pastor is what I did to this point for the previous 17 years of my life. To hear God say to leave the role would have terrified me before, but when He said it, it was wisdom and love. So I threw the jacket and left it (until I couldn't see it, and then I sensed God said, “go get it”). 

Then, as I walked down the mountain in awe, total worship, and literal shouts of celebration that God Himself would be this close and tangible, I said to the Father, “well, how do you see me now? What do people call me?" Instantly I hear in my mind His cheerful voice, “Beloved son and accepted!” Then I saw a date (Aug 1) with rings around it and within them, behind the date, was a new jacket, and I heard Him say, “from now (April 29) until then, just rest." Then I saw a faint picture of this bright glowing squirrel, and in the picture, I knew the squirrel was the Holy Spirit. This squirrel was, at great speed, chucking stuff out of a backpack I was wearing. It was so frantic, joyful and fast; I could see His flailing arms throwing stuff out. It was so faint that I turned to Jesus, whom I sensed was on my right, and said, "Is the Holy Spirit chucking stuff out of my backpack?" And I heard… "Oh yes." I smiled. 

That morning I obeyed the Father's voice—a still, small voice speaking to me. I felt loved and literally interacted with God, who wanted me to know, "you're the one I want to be with." I didn't think He could be that tangible, that detailed, that hungry to share His heart and perceptive. 

Three days later, the memory of the Holy Spirit in the picture of a squirrel came back to me, so I asked Jesus what was in the backpack, and I heard, "15 years of the fear of man.” I remember going down on my knees so fast in praise, thanksgiving, and tears. 

I'm writing this to tell you that when Jesus tells His disciples, "no longer do I call you servants but friends," He means what He says. He loves you.