My phone rang at 7 am on April 28, my wife's birthday. On the other end was one of my dear friends and fellow elders at my church requesting an emergency meeting. I had never sensed a tone in him like this, one of heaviness and urgency. I had already made plans for that night and asked him if the urgent matter could wait. 

I've learned in ministry that often, the best remedy for urgency is stillness and giving 24 hours to develop time to get His peace in prayer. When we do that, the outcome can change drastically. He said, “no, it needs to be tonight.” So I said, “of course,” and asked, “can I ask you what it's about?” He said, “it's about your preaching.” I said, “of course.” I knew my preaching style was shifting and I was taking more risks with what I was sensing was on the Father's heart in a passage for our people rather than only expounding the text. 

Let me say a few things in this story before I continue:

• One, the elders at this season of this church were wonderfully committed to the Bible, which I so valued and honoured in them. 

• What happened? Well, when I began to spend time each day in the forest in prayer, I would often ask God what was on his heart for that week on Sunday, and frequently, I would faintly hear (while sensing His smile), "you are.” I would laugh and keep praying and walking. One day I asked Him, “what is on Your heart in this passage? Meaning, I know what it says, but what do You want to accomplish within it?” Then I sensed him say, "I want to bring peace.” That was the first time I heard and felt Him give me an opinion of what He wanted to impart through His living Word. As I did my exegesis of the passage I was in, I got to sense the Logos Word (what does this passage say?) But when I would ask Him, “is there anything you're doing in this passage to get deeper into ‘the why’ of this passage for our people,” I would often get His heart. 

• One of God's biggest passions is Himself. Seriously, He's personal; He's relational; He's tangible; He's lovely; He's happy. Every sermon ought to bring us into a relational connection with Him, who is Himself the way, the truth and the life. He's saying, “I am.” Sermons are meant to pull us up into the person, into a friendship, into a dialogue all week with Him about what He was communicating through His speech/the Bible.
  
  This is a long tangent. But it's essential, reader, that as you read this, you feel that if the person hearing the sermon doesn't leap into friendship and worship of the person I'm preaching about, then who cares? Jesus told the religious preachers of the day, “you guys search the scriptures because you think in them you will have eternal life, but it’s me. I am.”
  
  Now what's interesting and tricky about what I'm saying is that there have been abuses of pastors not studying first or even studying at all and just going on their emotions and saying, “God told me.” That's not right either. But there's a balance we should have of joyful centredness in both Word and Spirit.

• In this particular season in my preaching, I was less concerned about how much content or how much explanation I proclaimed and more concerned about partnering with Jesus in writing messages that were true to the passage but had a direction to make listeners work it out in their friendship with Him, not in their notes or Bible highlights.
  
  You may ask, “James, what would that look like?” For example, I wouldn't spend much time teaching applications (how to apply daily what we just learned) I found in commentaries or Tim Keller's books (I love Tim Keller). Instead, I would say, "only Jesus knows what lies you believe about your marriage. You need to ask him, and you need to share this with him.” My heart in the pulpit was to put their hands into Jesus through the message so they'd leave with His heart and the assurance that He loves being present with them in what He's doing.

• I also began to tell many testimonies of how I was experiencing Jesus and how He was leading me to risk trusting him publicly. Some of these testimonies included what my friendship with Him felt like, more than what Greek words meant and how other verses supported it. Please hear me, I don't mean to suggest one is better than the other, but I DO think the Father's heart is both. Jesus modelled both, He used scripture, and He also talked about His Father and the Kingdom. In Acts, no one does expository preaching; instead, they share their stories of tangible encounters of Jesus' love, of who He is and what He's done with truths of implications, and the impact this makes on our following Jesus, the person. We need both. 

After hanging up the phone, I felt panic in me and even frustration, not towards the elders or even the Lord, but I felt within me that I was fighting a battle that didn't seem wrong. I understood the concerns, but I knew where I landed in my conviction surrounding the inerrancy and sufficiency of scripture. 

When I went for a prayer walk that day and asked the Father, "what's your perceptive on tonight?” I immediately heard, pray for them. And I loved that. I could sense the Father wanted me to begin with His love for them, so I could partner with His love and be less concerned about myself and defending life in the Spirit. So I did. I prayed for them. 

My prayers were very specific. Then as I was walking up the mountain, I started having those imaginary thoughts that go like: "If they say this, I'll reply with this and give them all the reasons why from scripture this move in preaching is biblical etc." And suddenly, I heard the Holy Spirit say within my mind so gently and full of peace, "you don't need to do that.” At first I thought I was being rebuked for worrying. Then I heard, "you don't need to do that. Tonight is over in the Kingdom." I thought, “oh wow, Jesus is showing me it's all going to be okay;” I interpreted that as the elders were going to agree with and come alongside where I sensed the Spirit was moving me in the context of preaching emphasis. 

Later, on my way down the hill, I again fell into an imaginary discussion scenario and heard the Holy Spirit say again, "tonight’s over the Kingdom; focus on what's next.” I sensed His peace and smile in this. I just felt so confident that night was going to be easy. It's done. Even on the way to the meeting, I told my wife, “this meeting will be quick; Jesus told me it's over in the Kingdom.” What He said was true, but not how I sensed it would be. 

That night we met in an office of a friend of ours, and the atmosphere was weighty. I walked into the room and immediately felt confused about what I thought would happen. I was then asked with love and hope in their eyes, “what's your goal in the pulpit?” To which I replied much of what I said above. I remember at one point saying to them, “brothers, you know I am committed to the inerrancy of scripture, but I want our sheep to encounter Him. I'd rather our church have a pastor who communes with the Father and hears His heart for Sunday than a pastor who's read enough commentaries to give a meaty message. Wouldn't you?” What was so strange for me is I had no idea or indication that the elders were even considering asking me to resign.

When I was sharing, I could see they weren't hearing what they hoped to hear. At that moment, the room filled with a heaviness I'd never felt before, and I panicked. But I immediately asked Jesus in my mind, "where are you in the room?” I sensed him sitting next to the elder who called me. I couldn't see him, but somehow I knew his hand was on me, and he was looking at me, and I heard Him say, "James, it's going to be okay.” I thought, “what do you mean? That doesn't make sense.” Then one of the elders said, "we're going to ask you to resign.” 

As soon as those words came out, I had a shock response in my body that led to back pain for a whole month. It was a trauma I didn't know existed. I then looked over in the direction where Jesus was, and I heard Him say again, with such tenderness in His tone, "James, it's okay.” Then he said, "I'm not doing this with them.” I immediately knew what he meant. These words came with His mind in mine, as if He was saying, “they aren't your enemies. Instead, the way you're risking and running with me isn't the journey where I have them on or the journey they're in.” Then I heard, “and I'm pulling you up."

Wow. I can tell you that night; I didn't speak for about 10 minutes after they said it. Partly because of the shock but partly because I didn't want to ruin something God was on or was doing. “I’m not going to control this,” I thought, “or fight, in case the Father is on this.” Then I heard it again; “tonight's over in the Kingdom.”